I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
