if only i could text you this smell
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
