Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
