I smell stomach acid.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
