please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
