There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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