I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
