And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
