It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
