We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
