..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
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We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
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I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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