ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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