Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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