It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
