Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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