Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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