OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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