Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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