Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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