i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
