I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
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5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
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Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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