we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
