Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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