If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
