I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
