I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
