she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
