I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
