someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
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