OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
