So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
