Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
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