peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize