You made me cry and you don't even care
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
