You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
