Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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