having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
