She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Sext me about skeletons
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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