pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.