ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
