Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You made out with two different species that night
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
