hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
