a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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