Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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