3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
