did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
