This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
