There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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