i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
