His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
