I'm laying in your front yard are you home
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
