but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
