Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
