He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
