I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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