i don't like sucking hair
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
