fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
