I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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