tell your sister to shave her snatch
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I could fuck to npr.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
