where am i from again
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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