What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
