I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
