The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
