I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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