im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I think I have vodka in my lungs
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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